Eyes to See – [1] Now

Welcome to the first chapter review of Joseph Nassise’s book Eyes to See.

I gave up my eyes in order to see more clearly.

The first line doesn’t start with any kind of action, but it has a pull to the reader. I like this first sentence; how often does someone give up their eyes to see clearer? How does that even work? It immediately makes the readers ask questions, and usually when we ask questions, we’ll read further to find out the answers. Eventually we’ll find the answer, but we’ll also have even more questions until we just have to read the rest of what’s going on.

So in this first chapter we’re introduced to the protagonist Jeremiah Hunt. We learn that he made the bargain with his eyes because he was desperate to find Elizabeth.

Now, if it wasn’t for the back blurb, the readers wouldn’t know who Elizabeth is right now, and that’s one of my pet peeves. If we learn the name of someone important, I’d like to know why they’re important. Some people may think wife as the number one possibility, others may think daughter, others may think sister.

I did find a quote I particularly enjoy:

I was pretty desperate in those days, the search for Elizabeth having consumed every facet of my life like a malignant cancer gorging itself on healthy cells, …

More to the sentence, but that’s the spot that I enjoyed of the sentence. The fact that writers can come up with an example like this. It really brings the reader in to the situation at hand…or in this case the feeling of the desperation.

It goes on to explain to us that he isn’t completely blind, which is what we figured from the first sentence. Instead, he can see perfectly in darkness because everything is in different shades of gray, but put him in the light and he can see nothing but white.

Interesting. I can already see it having its good and bad side effects.

We learn that Jeremiah can see ghosts, and some people may call him up for a job opportunity that he’ll sometimes take–especially because his cash is a little low at the moment from trying to find Elizabeth. He’s stated he doesn’t go around advertising his exorcism abilities to the public, and only a handful of people know what he can do, so they tell him about certain jobs.

He goes through talking about how the dead are all around us. Especially in crowded places such as subways and train stations, possibly because they miss being alive. I can believe that, I suppose, though I don’t often get those “cold chills” from out of nowhere, I do sometimes get the feeling I’m being watched.

He’s dropped off by a cab who asks if he’s sure he wants to get out here. Hunt can’t see what the cab drive sees, but he’d driven through the neighborhood back in the old days and knows why the cab driver is leery and nervous of the area. He remembers the area, with all the gangs and graffiti and such.

So he paid the driver and asked for a five back–the silly cab driver gave him a single back instead thinking Hunt was actually blind, but hello mysterious person outside the car who points it out.

Hunt roughs the cab driver up a bit (twisting his wrist) and decides to get the full amount of money back instead of offering a tip. We get a nice visual of what his eyes look like now (nope, not spoiling!) and exits the cab. The mysterious person is Joel Thompson, the man that had talked to Hunt on the phone.

I recognized his voice, a thin, reedy warble that reminded me of a whip-poor-will.

Just so you know what Joel sounds like.

And we finally know where we are! Massachusetts. I’ve never been there, so I don’t know what it’s like.

We get that he doesn’t care what other people think of him, rather wanting the money from the job at hand than anything else. He’s introduced to the other people.

Olivia Jones (elderly by the thinness and frailty of her hand), Frank Martin (a tank of a man whose dark form loomed over Hunt and a grip that felt like it could’ve crushed steel), Judy Hertfort and Tania Harris (both seemed to favor cheap perfumes), and Steven Marley (sounded like he meant it when he said “Pleased to meet you.”).

Apparently these six people were well-known for what they didn’t do–help out a young woman on the street named Velvet. She’d been beaten, raped, and left for dead. The “Silent Six” heard it, saw it, and did nothing. Later they came forward and had put the murderer in jail, but Velvet wanted to make them pay, thus haunted them.

It’s here we get information on what’s going on. A spirit that knocks things off the shelves and has suddenly become more violent, trying to do harm.

We find out even more information on what kind of ghosts there are. Hunt believes that Velvet is an angry, but harmless, poltergeist waiting to be sent on her way.

Hunt starts to leave, whistling for the cab when Martin told him he’d get the money once he’s done the job. Apparently Hunt didn’t like that comment, and I can see why. I already don’t like the big dude, but Thompson halted him for the moment, going back and talking with the group.

Hunt’s terms are that he gets paid up front, whether he completes the job or not.

I can see that as being fair. Getting rid of ghosts isn’t a walk in the park, as he says.

We end the chapter with these final lines:

…and then asked the question that would separate the men from the boys.

“So who’s going in with me?”

A nice end to the first chapter! It does make the reader want to turn the page, just to see if the big dude Martin will be a chicken-shit or not. We only really know about the characters Martin, Thompson, and Hunt right now.

We’ve already got Hunt’s personality down, I think. He really doesn’t care that much for people, probably because they judge him based on his looks, but he’ll do jobs because he really needs the money to find Elizabeth. The only thing he won’t do is show his desperation for needing that money.

Martin is someone I already can’t stand. A guy that thinks he’s Built Ford Tough, I guess. They always try to intimidate, and are almost always angry when dealing with certain people who are helping out. I mean, I’m right here, aren’t I? In almost every book if there’s a big, buff guy, he’s usually the one sneering at people. Hunt calls him Grape Ape in this chapter.

I like Thompson. He’s desperate to get the ghost out because he’s afraid, no doubt, with knowing what all of them could’ve done but didn’t do to help the girl out, and with the fear that she might kill them. He wants Hunt to do the job, so he talks to the group.

Not a bad first chapter. Not bad at all. It’s not often I read a book on ghosts that isn’t stuck in the horror genre, so this is definitely a change so far, since we learn about the different kinds there are.

The next chapter will come later!

Eyes to See by Joseph Nassise

Eyes to See is a novel I recently picked up not only because of the marvelous cover image, but also what it entails. Horror, thriller, and fantasy? Yes, please.

After his daughter, Elizabeth, disappeared without a trace, Jeremiah Hunt also lost his job and his wife as he desperately tried to find their missing child. Finally, he performed an arcane ritual that robbed him of his eyesight in order to “see that which is unseen.” Now he can see ghosts and other creatures of the night. He keeps hoping he’ll find Elizabeth; meanwhile, he survives by using his gift to banish wayward spirits that torment the living.

With the help of two ghostly companions, Hunt searches for clues to Elizabeth’s fate . . . until he falls into a trap laid for him by a particularly cunning foe and is accused of committing a series of brutal murders. What begins as a quest to save his daughter turns into a desperate search for truth. But his search will lead him to an all-consuming battle against an ageless, malevolent force that would use a father’s love for his daughter to set itself free. If Hunt cant stop it, his adversary’s terrible revenge will destroy him, Elizabeth, and countless other innocents.

Someone like me can’t possibly pass this book up!

And this is simply me introducing the book to all of you. What’s coming up next is a chapter-by-chapter review as promised from many books so long ago. I’ll speak my mind throughout each chapter, tell my favorite parts, possibly spot out some errors, and take you viewers throughout the outline of what you could be reading yourself!

It’s been a while since I’ve actually read anything along the lines of urban fantasy, and man have I missed these books.

Chapter One’s review to come soon!

Prompt #1 – Serial Killer

Write a scene, or even a short story/flash fiction piece of a new serial killer the world better be prepared for!

“Ma’am, could you quiet your child down for me?” the man asked.

“I’m sorry,” Duncan heard the woman say, desperation in her voice. Soft shushes snuck their way through the vault door, but the babies cries were getting louder. He felt bad for the woman, afraid for her. Afraid for everyone.

“I’m beginning to get a headache, ma’am.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, sobbing. “She’s just hungry and scared. Please.”

“She’s hungry? That’s fine then. I have something for her.”

Duncan pressed himself closer against the steel door when he couldn’t hear anything.

Then: BLAM!

Everyone in the lobby must’ve screamed–even Duncan yelped and covered his ears, though the blast was muffled. Throughout the chaos of sounds, the baby no longer cried.

Just a short segment. I’ve been thinking about making a short story about a new serial killer, and here’s a partial bit I randomly came up with.

Writer’s Block: a list of cures

Everyone has encountered the dreaded Writer’s Block–a problematic stalling to your writing. A writer’s block can have numerous reasons for appearing as a roadblock, but below I hope to list some things to do to get out of such a hole that can get bigger if nothing is done. I’ll keep adding to the list when I think of exercises to do, as well as people giving suggestions and things that they’ve tried themselves–or heard of, at least. I plan on creating new posts and links to the posts with each of the bullet solutions, though that may take some time! Enjoy, and keep writing!

• Create an outline
• Don’t begin at the start
• Freewrite
• Give yourself writing deadlines
• Ignore your inner editor
• Join online writing communities
• Leave your distractions behind
• Start a new project
• Stay positive
• Take a break
• Talk about what you’re writing with someone (or something)
• Treat yourself for an awesome job
• Try a Writer’s Blocks writing software
• Use writing rituals
• WEbook’s 911 Writer’s Block tips
• Write what you love

Unleashed opening lines

So I recently made a post about the opening line(s) being important and something that people always seem to focus on more than the rest of the story at hand. I’m one of those people, sadly. I know I should move on and work on revising the other chapters of my novel, but I keep going back to the beginning, with each critique I get.

Below are the three versions I’ve done:

Fingers grip the steering wheel tight enough for skin to stretch against bone. A tongue darts out over dry, chapped lips. Wide, brown eyes stare straight ahead, rimmed in red and plagued with paranoia. The speedometer trembles between ninety and ninety-five. The car’s headlights are off, the outside light coming from the glittering gaze of stars. Rick Balder has no fear of hitting anything. No fear of moving forward. His fear comes from behind, and the only light he needs sits on the dashboard.

The above was the first fire at the prologue. A lot of people liked it, but a few didn’t since it wasn’t purely in his PoV, rather omniscient. So I took another shot at a remake.

After three days without sleep, Rick is at the pinnacle of paranoia. His fear of the past drives him forward. The car pushes ninety-five on a forty-five road, headlights off. His fingers grip the steering wheel tight enough for skin to stretch against bone. His tongue darts over dry, chapped lips. Wide, brown eyes rimmed in red constantly flick to each of the three mirrors. The moon amidst the glittering gaze of stars offers enough light on the outside, but the light on his dashboard guides him.

Again, people enjoyed it. However further in the story, nobody understood how a house can just appear, when they think he’s focused on something else that he just doesn’t see it’s there in the first place. They’re wrong for thinking this. The house did appear out of nowhere, because it’s a house of gods, however that isn’t known until…third chapter. Fourth? Something like that.

So, once again, I’m switching the prologue to introduce a couple gods.

Timoria, god of revenge, stares out a window of the house of gods that’s neither here, nor there, but somewhere between the threads of reality. He watches the mortals’ world, bottled bitterness contorting countless faces into sour-apple lines of anger, remorse, and dejection. He tastes their need to act out—the woman who has to take care of her child for the week, because her ex-husband has made other plans; the little girl who cries in her room, unable to go outside and play in the rain; the soldier who came home to his cheating fiancé.

I really need to focus on the next two chapters now. Just to get them done and thrown into a contest before the deadline is here.

Unleashed – Chapter 1 (sample)

A piece from the first chapter of my novel, Unleashed. Urgh, I’m still trying to sift through the first draft of this chapter and make it tighter, more readable. Anyway, here’s a teaser.

She studies it, the cigarette she’s had since she quit smoking. Camel brand, her mother’s favorite. Raiven hates them. She prefers Marlboro, or used to. The cigarette’s been through everything—the washer, mud, lost for days in the musty sheets of her self-sexed bed. It had even been in someone else’s mouth before they promptly spat it back out. Unbearable taste. It gives her enough reason to never want to smoke it.

Yet the presence of it, the light weight carried somewhere on her person, held between her fingers, calms her nerves.

“It’s treating me well, Dale. It’s a distraction from the movie. Do you know how it’s distracting me?”

“The smell.”

“It’s telling me the different ways I can torture you as soon as this dare’s over.”

“So not only does it smell like shit, but it’s talking shit, too?”

Communication via Introductions (Cliches) – Part 2

A story’s opening can be a fun thing to tweak, but it’s also something that some people do nothing but tweak. It’s the whole “first sentence must hook the reader” guideline that makes us want to continue refreshing it until it’s at its best. But I think people often forget that this is not a rule (though people do sometimes enforce it as such), but rather a guideline. Sometimes it can be the first sentence that creates the hook, or the first paragraph, or even the first chapter. The writing just needs to make the reader want to continue reading.

Here we’ll talk about Cliches.

I’m not going to be posting anything from stories and novels that have been published and begin with cliches. Mainly because I don’t want to sift through all my novels to see if any of them do, but keep in mind there are stories that start with a cliche, and they are published.

Cliches can be different things. It can deal with what the story is as a whole, a phrase, character descriptions, etc.

I don’t want to get into cliche plots here, as that’d take too long to think up of (I know, I’m a slacker), so we will just stick with phrases and descriptions.

• Knight in shining armor.

We read about a knight in shining armor and we just know there’s going to be a damsel in distress. These are stories that are cliche and have done numerous times, yet they’re all different, and their differences is what makes them stand out from the one before.

So basically if you want to use a cliche, you just need to spice it up. Make it something out of the ordinary. Unique.

I once saw a knight in shining armor pass through town years ago, and now, years later, I stare at the armor covering the skeleton, crusty with dried blood and dented from battles unknown and I think: If I could clean the armor up, could I be the knight that this man failed as?

Something different. We get that the main character had seen the knight years ago, and now they’ve come upon the knight again, though long dead. It makes you wonder how the main character came upon the armor. How did this man fail as a knight, and what will the main character do that the knight could not?

The below is a phrase many of us know, and not many stories start out with anymore.

• It was a dark and stormy night.

Yeah. Overdone phrase. And on top of this cliche, not many people want to read a description of the weather at the beginning of a story. So, let’s take the cliche and make people want to continue reading.

It was a dark and stormy night when they came, and I’m not talking aliens, but tornadoes, a line of them that ripped every house from the soil and tossed them and the families inside them through the air like litter. Every house but mine. This was the night that made me believe in black magic.

Not one sentence, but three. Yet it begins with the cliche. The thing that makes it different is where the cliche goes, story-wise.

Good luck beginning your stories with a cliche–and most of all, have fun with it!